The Starbucks Cafe located in the Prunetree Center, in Prunedale, CA, is always a fun mixed bag of individuals. Today there are two adults, one woman, who I’ve found out is a teacher, who politely asked to sit next to me (that is, a full table away) before sitting down. The other is a man in a busines suit, with a thick head of salt and pepper hair, and a large beard/mustache combo.
They both brought their own mugs - regulars. Or regulars to the coffee shop.
There is a man in the corner chair on his iPad, and a teenager sitting accross from me with some sort of orange juice-y drink, studiously doing her homework.
Then theres me, casually mopping an almost critical amount of spilled coffee off of the less vital parts of my new laptop, calm and cool and collected on the outside, cursing like a sailor in my head.
Its 5:45pm on a Wednesday and everyone here has something in common; they’d rather be here than at home. This makes sense, considering its the only place to get decent internet for quite a few miles. Maybe you’re checking your social media sites, maybe you’re studying like a good person, or reading an online newspaper article. But me? I’m just trying to watch some fucking Buffy without being further judged by my co-workers, and not wanting to deal with my boss’ spotty internet.
If you think a woman in a tan vinyl bra and underwear, grabbing her crotch and grinding up on a dance partner is raunchy, trashy, and offensive but you don’t think her dance partner is raunchy, trashy, or offensive as he sings a song about “blurred” lines of…
This is going to sound really selfish and immature
But just once it’d be nice to be the center of attention. Not like at a party or in a group but to have other people or even some one specifically who takes the time to worry about how I feel and what I need. I feel like I’ve spent a lot of my life and made a lot of my choices based on how it will make other people feel and how to accommodate others and for once it would be nice to have that from other people.
Just a stupid immature thought that needed to be put somewhere.
First day of work today! It’s a balmy 63 degrees, gorgeous and sunny. I’ve missed farming. I have.
I have not missed being on my own, nor have I missed being the new kid, nor have I missed this awkward part of myself, nor have I missed being alone or feeling alone. I also haven’t missed my crippling inability to talk to other people about how I’m feeling. I haven’t missed this hyper-independent stubborn loner that comes out when I don’t know what I’m doing.
I need a bed and some food… Yeah that’s a good place to start.
I’m not really sure how to tell you all this, but I’m trying to be a better person and let you know things more in advance. I guess I never tell people things until they are happening or have already happened because of fear, and the fear that they won’t actually happen and it’ll be awkward, but, as I said, I’m trying to be better, so here goes:
I’m moving to California. On Saturday. I only really found out yesterday, so this is a step in the right direction for me in terms of telling you all things in better time. I have a little house I’m moving into on the farm I’ll be working on, and its cute as hell and this is so crazy. I’m also buying Helga for real and she’ll be mine and if you haven’t figured it out yet, this means I’m driving out there.
scroll through your facebook newsfeed and think “oh my god who even are these people?” even if you actually know them which leads you to wonder, for just a second, that maybe you’re just stalking/watching strangers’ lives unfold one misspelled and badly worded status at a time?